Baby Blues
Have you been affected by a loss? Are the steps of grief a familiar process to you? Did you know that women experience a phenomenon similar to grief after having a baby? This period is misleadingly dubbed the “Baby Blues”. For approximately two to three weeks postpartum, women periodically experience deep moments of sadness and loss, sometimes inexplicably. Women are expected to have a baby and feel nothing but joy and contentment, but that is not always the case. Amongst the joy and jubilation, there is an undertone of sorrow that only the mother feels. Why? You might ask… When a woman has a baby, she undergoes a magnanimous transformation. Not only does her body have to manage massive amounts of physical healing coupled with raging hormones and mitigate a curbed appetite with depleted sleep and the constant flow of bodily fluids from a newborn, but she also must now reevaluate her entire life, what’s more, her entire purpose. Many of the revelations gained and qualities earned are positive and beneficial. From maternal instincts developing to responsibility being accepted to growing a family and experiencing unconditional love. But those first few weeks are also manipulated by the mother’s internal struggles. After having a baby, a woman must now acknowledge and accept a few hard-to-swallow facts. We are going to discuss these facts, what acceptance looks like, and what happens when a woman does not allow herself to fully experience the “Baby Blues”.
Facts a woman must acknowledge and accept after having a baby
· My body has now adapted to childbirth and will never be the same.
This is not a bad thing. It is just a biological fact of life. When a woman has a baby, her body physically changes to accommodate the necessary functioning needed for developing a healthy baby. A woman’s body stays in this state, which shifts through the stages of fertility until it undergoes menopause.
· My social life now has to adapt to the safety and needs of my baby.
This is not a bad thing. With a new chapter in your life comes new friends, new partners, new resources, and new environments. Date nights turn into Family nights. The hot spot club turns into midnight feeding sessions. Your bestie is now your lactation consultant rather than your college roomie.
· My ideals and values are now shifting.
This is not a bad thing. This is a perfect time to engage in self-reflection. Evaluate who you are, what is important to you, and what kind of mother you want to aspire to be. Like it or not, you are now the primary provider, the main role model, the direct example, the star of the show, the entire world of a tiny human. Everything you do from here on out is going to influence your child in one way or another. We are evolving beings and it is completely healthy to reestablish our priorities.
Some women have faced these concepts during pregnancy and therefore experience mild symptoms associated with the “Baby Blues”. For women who don’t come to terms with these changes until after the baby, the transition may be a little harder. The phenomenon is quite common and should not cause alarm. Almost 80% of women experience the “Baby Blues”. The “Baby Blues” are characterized by symptoms similar to depression. Mothers may feel sad, cranky, moody, overwhelmed, trapped, nervous, irritable, and worried. Mothers may have trouble eating and sleeping, even while baby is asleep. Crying bouts over simple things is a frequent condition. All these behaviors are completely normal to feel as long as they aren’t in an overabundance or last longer than three weeks. Here is an article that compiles a list of 25 things to help new mothers manage the ups and downs of this phase: https://drsarahallen.com/baby-blues/
When women deny themselves the time and opportunity to grow into motherhood, they risk tipping their emotional scale into a deficit. Women who cannot accept the biological fact that a woman’s body changes to accommodate the extensive adaptations associated with pregnancy engage in behaviors that increase insecurity, lower self-esteem, and pose a risk of turning into eating disorders. Women who cannot let go of their previous social lives will engage in behaviors that will fall on a spectrum spanning risky or selfish behaviors on one side and withdrawn or reclusive behaviors on the opposite end. Women who refuse to evolve their values and prioritize their principles risk neglecting or endangering their children. This is not to say that these consequences are the same for every woman, but these are the prevalent related behaviors that pull a new mother further away from self-actualization and closer to self-destruction. The “Baby Blues” simply signify an emotional adaptation that involves mourning your former self, morphing your core being with your idea of a good mother, and emerging as a wiser, more inspired woman.
Acknowledging these adaptations can be scary and apprehensive. Some women truly struggle with letting go of their pre-baby selves. What needs to be realized is that having a baby doesn’t make you a different person. Having a baby makes you release your former self and embrace an elaborated version of you. A you now capable of ten times more than you ever imagined, both physically and emotionally. Acceptance of this notion leads to the dissolution of symptoms. Accompanied by the regulation of the balance of hormones, an established routine, a proper postpartum wellness check, and unconditional support, mothers will return to their happy, healthy, creative selves. I recently came across a newer model for the stages of grief which were listed as Survive, Alive, and Thrive. I would like to apply these stages to the condition of the “Baby Blues”. First, a mother must quite literally survive the delivery and the following 48 hours. Next, a mother must come Alive through motherhood. This is the process of acknowledgment and acceptance previously described, a spiritual rebirth for the mother so to speak. Finally, a mother must Thrive, must flourish in all her glory as a new mother embarking on a spectacular journey.
