Curbing the F-Bomb
If you are a person who does not use expletives, then this article will probably have minimal benefits for you. But if you’re a mother who's seen those cute, trending shirts sporting the phrase, “Good Moms Use Bad Words” and thought I just gotta have it, maybe this information could help you transform your vocabulary. I am definitely a mom with a potty mouth, granted I don’t curse at my children, I just curse in general. Not too long ago, I had a conversation with my oldest son (he was nine at the time). He candidly approached me, which is a signal that he has something to say that he feels is important. He casually asks me, “Mom, why do people use bad words?”. After a brief moment of silence where I collected myself from the surprise of such an existential question I responded, “People use bad words when they are full of emotion and don’t have any other words to use.” His response was, “How do you find the right words to use?” to which I answered, “You go to school, you talk to smart people, and you read books.” I thought I was doing a great job. I didn’t see the trap my own child set up for me. So, when his next question was, “Mom, aren’t you really smart?” I humbly continued, “I’d like to think I am.” At this point, I imagined that he was thinking about his peers or perhaps the virtual opponents he contends with on his iPad. Boy, was I shocked when his final request was, “Well…then…can you please stop using bad words.”
This is a perfect example of what I like to call a Mommy Moment. My son schooled me in propriety, respect, and wisdom all in a matter of two minutes. He inquired, he rationalized, and then he pointed out the paradox in the situation. If I am smart and have an eloquent vocabulary, then I shouldn’t use bad words. Simple. This sparked my quest to mitigate my language usage better. I began to reflect and realized that I only curse at home. In a place where I am comfortable and not worried about the impression I’m making or how my verbiage may affect the people around me. I don’t curse at work, at school, in front of children that aren’t mine, or in my mother-in-law’s house. So, I realized I did have some sense of control over the vocabulary of choice. It is important to me as a mother to set a proper example for my children and with that regard, I began to feel like a hypocrite. I have an authoritarian parenting style but one of my main parenting principles is to Walk My Talk. I don’t live by the “Do as I say, not as I do” model. I practice what I preach which brings authenticity to my values and shows my children that this principle is important to uphold. Therefore, I began looking into ways to help me curb the F-Bomb, which I will share with you.
It takes twenty-one days to implement a habit. Curbing a habit is similar but takes a little bit more of a conscious effort. Rewards and Punishments, Taste Bud Warfare, and Vocabulary Supplementation are the top three strategies that I found most helpful in cleaning out the potty mouth.
· Rewards & Punishments: This is an age-old tactic. You set a goal, say one week, in order to measure your progress. If you go the entire week without using profanity, then you reward yourself (ie. go to the salon for a manicure, indulge in a luxurious bath, have a rom-com marathon, etc.) The punishment on the other hand is for immediate, in the moment, use. If you use a curse word, then you will commit to completing the punishment (ie. doing ten sit-ups [the option I used so that it was beneficial even though it was a punishment], putting a quarter in the curse jar [classic], wear a silly hat for an hour, etc.) For additional support ask your partner to hold you accountable. That way you aren’t making excuses and you stay true to course.
· Taste Bud Warfare: This again is an old method that is administered to children to curb bad habits like biting nails and saying bad words. I was already quite familiar with this approach from my childhood when my guardian put hot sauce on my fingers so I wouldn’t bite my nails. It can be adapted to work for adults as well. The technique is simple. Say a bad word, Eat something icky. I’m not talking about a rotten sandwich or anything that can make you ill. But something like a tablespoon of vinegar, a dab of ghost pepper hot sauce, or a pinch of pepper can make all the difference in preventing you from saying “F*** that”, “Holy S***”, or “WTF”.
· Vocabulary Supplementation: This was probably my favorite technique because it adds a little bit of fun to the experience and focuses on control of your language not punishing your habits. The idea is to pick a topic that is close to your heart or meaningful to you. For example, I chose food. I know, probably not the best topic if you’re trying to lose weight but what can I say, I love food. So, moving forward, after you’ve chosen your topic, you pick words associated with the topic that sound similar or start with the same letter as the expletive being replaced. Essentially, you are using wordplay to trick your mind. I am now frequently caught saying quirky phrases like, “Son of a Popsicle”, “What the Jell-O”, “How in the Halibut”, “Fudge-nut Brownies”, and “You Milkshake”. I must admit, this method earned a lot of laughs and was kind of fun.
This Mommy Moment was one of the most insightful snippets of motherhood for me thus far. To know that my children are wise enough to distinguish between respectful and intellectual language makes me very proud. It is a testament to how my husband and I raise our children and provides clarity for the direction to move in, in the future. Your habits, your parenting style, and your objective as a mother are tools to guide you in how to act, what to uphold, and how to set the best example. With such a mature evaluation from a nine-year-old, I realized that while I’m in the driver’s seat and have control over what direction we go in and what scenery to expose I also have control over the commentary by which we navigate, and curbing the F-Bomb was the only way to keep journeying forward.
